Here's a beautiful letter to Al Whore:
Dear Albert,
So you won the Nobel Prize. You know, there have been so many times in my life I wish I could get worldwide recognition for being a lying sack of crap. But, alas, it was not to be. Your former boss has the market cornered on that. And you're just insane, so you got me trumped yet again.
I'm forced to wonder what it's really like being a neurotic, narcissist with delusions of grandeur. Could you maybe write me back and tell me what it's like? Yet again, I'm on the outside looking in. I think on my gravestone I'll have to put "Just Short of a Lunatic". I guess I'm not even good at that.
Anyway, you must be proud of yourself. Heck, I would be. And how is your drunk, drug addict son? I wonder what lovely family life drove him to that, Mr. Peace Prize? I also wonder what effect this all will have on him. You know, the idea that his dad won a smelly European medal for lies and politically motivated propaganda? I mean if a scumbag, anti-Semite bastard like Jimmy Carter can win it, well, hey....the sky's sorta the limit, ya know. So you're in good company, Al. Being an idiot to start with made you a virtual sure thing.
I really hope you run for president. The sadistic part of me wants to watch you be the spectacular failure that you will no doubt be. You see, you are an incompetent. You are the Dan Quayle of this generation and you constantly prove that with every non sequitur you utter. It's great in this day and age to be able to count on something.
Well, I know you're busy, so I'll cut this short. You know, Al, I wanted to say that I really do like you. And as nasty as I have been, I know you are searching for meaning, like so many of us are. I have the utmost respect for that. Hell, it's all there is in life. And, like you, I mastered the "making an ass out of myself" part long ago.
So, you go, girl!
And remember: if it comes from nothing, that's the only place it has to go. Enjoy it while you can. Utter meaninglessness has its advantages.
Oh, so sincerely,
Andrew T. Durham,Maniac
Andrew T. Durham Author, http://www.americanchronicle.com
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Al Whore
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2 comments:
How's this for Gore's acceptance speech?
Ladies and Gentlemen! Comrades!
Climate change is a modern-day equivalent of class struggle. Global Warming is an easily understood, historically inevitable concept in Marxist Science designed to help the Party to crush capitalism and fulfill mankind's utmost desire to redistribute wealth and establish a centralized global government with an army of enlightened bureaucrats running a planned global economy based on world-wide quotas and five-year plans.
In the absence of classical Marxist preconditions for the Revolution - global crisis of capitalism combined with massive poverty and despair - Global Warming stands out as the most convenient, non-denominational replacement thereof. It provides both the means to manipulate the masses - and a moral justification for doing so. As such it replaces the previously promising but failed agitprop tools as "Overpopulation," "Ozone Holes," "Global Famine," and "Ice Age 2." Until the time when it gets replaced by another convenient agitprop tool, Global Warming must remain an unquestionable dogma in all political discussions (you shall be notified of changes, if any, by the NPR, the New York Times, and other progressive media organs.)
The importance of Global Warming for the Revolution is too great to leave it in the hands of scientists. The masses must believe that it is beneficial to have faith in Global Warming whether it can be proven or not. If Global Warming didn't exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Global Warming encompasses four dogmas:
Global temperatures are rising.
This is a bad thing.
Rising temperatures (if they exist) are caused by human industries.
We must place human industries under centralized control and issue production quotas to stop rising temperatures.
Note: if you can't prove Proposition #1 & #3 you must quickly move to #4.
Many people have difficulty with things like driving directions, balancing a checking account, and releasing the "Caps Lock" key. And yet, after watching my film "An Inconvenient Truth," they all figured out Global Warming just as easily as they had figured out the Iraq war after watching Michael Moore's Oscar-winning "Fahrenheit 9/11."
This, and many other Global Warming trivia you will find in my new book which I will be selling in the lobby right after this speech, so you better start forming a line now. Get used to standing in lines, comrades, because when my plan for the future is implemented, lines and ration coupons will become a national pastime for non-Party members. In an easy, accessible format, my book will explain why, unless you appoint me the next President of Earth, you and your pets will all die a horrible death when this planet blows up.
The book consists of the following chapters:
How we're all doomed and the planet is going to blow up.
How stopping Wal-Mart can help the polar bears.
How higher taxes can help the polar bears.
How fairness doctrine can help the polar bears.
How higher unemployment is linked to cleaner air quality.
How poor impoverished countries like to stay that way.
How the printing of Bibles destroys millions of trees every year.
How to spot heretic scientists and other Global Warming deniers.
How to report Global Warming deniers to the authorities.
How greenhouse gases should be renamed so as not to offended the green party activists, people that don't live in houses, and anyone whose last name happens to be Greenhouse.
You will also learn:
The quick and easy way to make anyone feel guilty enough to write you a big check.
Idiot-proof steps for destroying world's most productive economies and getting big checks in the process.
Down-to-earth advice on suppressing dissent and/or getting big checks by pulling "scientific facts" out of your ass.
www.yankeecommentary.blogspot.com
Impressive stuff Yankee Doodle!
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